Notes On…Loneliness and Solitude
Recently, a colleague approached me after recalling a presentation I had given on loneliness. He was working with a client struggling with isolation and wanted to understand the difference between being lonely and being alone. It gave me pause. We spend so much time connected through scrolling, reacting, and posting, but we rarely stop to reflect on that distinction. Even less often do we speak about the quiet strength that can come from choosing solitude.
Loneliness is the feeling of being disconnected, not just from others, but from a sense of belonging. It can appear during life transitions, in the absence of meaningful relationships, or in that deep ache that no one truly sees you. It often feels involuntary. It is not simply being without people. It is the sense that something or someone important is missing. And in our hyperconnected world, loneliness continues to rise. Proximity doesn't solve it. Connection does.
Solitude, on the other hand, is chosen. It is not an escape. It is a return. A space where we can listen inward, slow down, and restore. Solitude helps us witness ourselves without constant input or distraction. I’ve had moments where time alone, like an early morning walk or an unhurried afternoon, grounded me more than any conversation could. It didn’t always feel comfortable, but it often felt true.
As Paulo Coelho writes, “Solitude is not the absence of company, but the moment when our soul is free to speak to us and help us decide what to do with our life.” That is what solitude offers. It creates intimacy with the self. Loneliness, by contrast, signals a longing for connection- not just with others, but often with our own inner life.
The challenge is in the discernment. Isolation, when prolonged, can tip into loneliness. But intentional solitude can become a sacred space for clarity and healing. The key is asking honestly: are you avoiding something, or are you returning to yourself?
So here is the invitation. Welcome solitude when it finds you. Strengthen the connection you have with yourself. And trust that being alone does not mean being lost. It might be where you finally feel most fully present.
