Notes On… Fixing vs. Accepting

Life has a way of tossing challenges in our path, often when we least expect them. And when that happens, we’re left asking ourselves a hard question: Do I try to fix this, or do I try to accept it? Most people think of those as opposite responses. They’re not. They actually work best together. The real challenge is figuring out which one to lean into at the right time.

Fixing is the instinct most of us reach for first. There’s a problem, so we jump into solution mode. We plan. We read. We talk to friends. We act. It gives us something to do and helps us feel less helpless. And sometimes, fixing is the right call. If you’re drowning in debt, you need a budget. If your relationship is strained, you might need therapy or a real conversation about what’s not working. Action reminds us that we still have power. It gives us direction.

But not everything in life can be solved. And when that becomes clear, acceptance steps in.

Acceptance isn’t the same as giving up. It’s not passivity. It takes real strength to look at something hard and say, this is what’s happening, and I can’t force it to change. Take chronic illness or pain, for example. Maybe you’ve tried every treatment, every option. Eventually, you may need to shift your focus from fixing to learning how to live well alongside what you can’t control. You don’t have to like it, but you can learn to make peace with it so it doesn’t take over your entire life.

The truth is, most challenges in life need a bit of both. First, we recognize what is. Then, we ask what we might be able to change. Acceptance makes space for clarity. Fixing builds on that space with movement and effort. One grounds us, the other propels us.

So when something hard shows up, pause for a moment. Ask yourself, what part of this can I shift? And what part do I need to meet with grace? The answer might not be obvious, and it might change over time. But learning to ask the question at all is its own kind of strength.