Notes On… Unreliable Narrators

One of the most striking things I see in therapy is how often people are at the mercy of their thoughts without even realizing it.

Not because they’re unwise or unaware, but because the brain is sneaky. It distorts. It loops. It spins stories that feel like truth, and most of the time, we don’t stop to question them. These distortions are some of the most powerful forces in a person’s inner world, and they often show up quietly, shaping self-esteem, relationships, and decision-making, all under the radar.

If our brains had a Rotten Tomatoes score for accuracy, they’d probably sit around 50 percent. Sometimes insightful, sometimes completely off the rails, and yet always so sure of themselves. That’s the wild ride of cognitive distortions. They’re those sneaky, automatic thought patterns that twist reality just enough to stir up anxiety or self-doubt. Like when a friend takes a little too long to text back, and suddenly you’re convinced you’ve been ghosted for life.

These distortions are like bad Instagram filters for your mind. But instead of making things look better, they crank up the drama, sharpen the shadows, and turn every situation into a season finale. The brain is just trying to make sense of things quickly, but these shortcuts often take us to the wrong conclusion. Let’s walk through a few of the greatest hits.

All-or-Nothing Thinking
Also known as the perfectionist’s nightmare. It tells you that if you're not succeeding completely, you’ve failed entirely.
Example: “I skipped the gym today, so I might as well give up on working out.”
Reality check: One missed step doesn’t erase your whole journey. Life isn’t black and white. You’re not a cartoon character.

Catastrophizing
Turning a paper cut into a medical emergency.
Example: “I messed up that email. My boss is going to fire me and I’ll never work again.”
Reality check: Most likely, your boss didn’t even notice—or they're thinking about lunch.

Mind Reading
Assuming you know what others are thinking, and that it’s always bad.
Example: “She didn’t wave at me. She must think I’m annoying.”
Reality check: Maybe she didn’t see you. Maybe she’s lost in thought about something totally unrelated to you.

Emotional Reasoning
If I feel it, it must be true.
Example: “I feel like a failure, so I must be one.”
Reality check: Feelings are real, but they aren’t facts. You can feel like a penguin, but that doesn’t mean you belong in Antarctica.

Should Statements
The fastest route to guilt, shame, and burnout.
Example: “I should be more productive. I should be happier. I should be better at small talk.”
Reality check: All those “shoulds” are just stories. You grow by meeting yourself where you are, not by shaming yourself into change.

Cognitive distortions might be automatic, but that doesn’t mean they get the final say. Start by noticing them. Then ask: What evidence do I actually have for this? Is there another way to look at it? Would I say this to someone I love? If not, why am I saying it to myself?

This is the foundation of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT. It’s like strength training for your brain. You learn to spot the distortions and trade them out for thoughts that are more honest, more balanced, and way less punishing. Over time, your brain becomes a better narrator. One that still has its quirks, sure, but also one that tells the story with a little more clarity and a lot more compassion.