Notes On…When Knowing Isn’t Changing

I love ChatGPT. I really do. It’s this strange little window into a world of ideas, sometimes brilliant, sometimes odd, often surprising. It can be fun, insightful, and, when used thoughtfully, it can become a tool with real potential for mental health (note: TOOL). I’ve already seen it in my work.

A client once came in talking about “attachment injuries,” while explaining fight-or-flight responses, and even dropped polyvagal theory. They’d never used that language before. They told me they’d been “talking to the AI” all week.

No, I didn’t fear for my job. If anything, I was energized by the chance to work with all the information brought in. But then I saw something else happen. One offhand comment from their partner, and shame slammed into them like a tidal wave. In seconds, they were back in the same storm despite everything they knew. Despite all of this information.

That’s when it hit me again: information is not transformation.

ChatGPT can help people name their struggles faster. It can give us a shared vocabulary. I see clients light up with discovery, eager to tell me what they’ve learned. But sometimes, the learning becomes a loop. A loop of more concepts, more prompts, more answers instead of the riskier work of change.

Because knowing is the first step, but it isn’t the journey.

Too much information can create what I call the illusion of insight, that mental high that feels like progress but doesn’t move the body forward. There I am in a session, and I start to witness information becoming a defense. Reading about secure attachment is safer than trying to practice it. Understanding trauma is easier than feeling it in the body. Knowing why you sabotage is less risky than doing something different when the moment comes.

The work of therapy asks more than comprehension, and I see that my job is to help bridge the gap between knowing and living. Between “I understand” and “I am.” It asks for repetition, for tolerating discomfort, for stepping into the messy space where theory collides with lived experience. It asks you to show up when you don’t feel ready and to stay when your instinct is to run.

So yes, use the tools. Ask ChatGPT your questions. Read the books. Watch the videos. But bring what you’ve learned INTO your relationships, INTO the moments that test you, INTO the life you’re living.

Because that’s where change happens, and no AI can do that part for you.